Patriarchy for Mothers

 

So, I’ve just finished watching that video with Jada Pinkett-Smith and her reply to her daughter’s question, “How hard is it being a wife and a mother?” 

Her response was astounding and admirable. Her voice feels like one of survival, as she reveals the biggest lessons she has learnt as a wife and as a mother and wow, is it emotional?

As a mother myself, who is currently learning just how important it is to remember yourself in this game, I could really relate. And I think I’m not the only one. 

However, one of the most important aspects of this lesson for me, is how this problem that we face as mothers, is one born out of habit within our culture, rather than simply the messages that float around, within in.

It’s interesting she blames “messaging”. I think it can seem that way because we feel so judged for our actions as mothers.

In fact, I believe, it comes from our patriarchal culture.

We come from a country where men were, first and foremost, in control of women. Women were slaves to their own society. They had no rights and were oppressed and taken advantage of and any work they did was largely devalued. 

Much of that still remains today. While women have been given certain “freedoms”, ie. in the workplace, voting, the right to divorce her husband, the right not to be abused by her husband etc… many attitudes still remain as a by-product of those horrible Victorian ways. 

I still don’t believe that the work we do as mothers is valued enough. If a woman chooses to stay home with her children, then she’s seen as having an “easy life”. If she is on benefits, as well, then she really needs to sort her act out and get a job and stop being “lazy”! If a woman decides to work, she is criticised for not being a “full-time mum”. Where are the men in all of this? What part do they play? Who is criticising them for not being a stay-at-home dad or for going out to work? How guilty do they feel about their choices as parents? 

Women have so many burdens, both physical and emotional, to carry as mothers and I don’t believe those burdens are being either valued or shared equally, in partnership. 

So, it’s easy to look at it as a problem with the “messages” we’re sending out but I think that is only a result of a culture that has always heavily criticised and judged a woman’s work and life, and all-around general self. Women can’t seem to win. And women are even turning on each other. 

I would like to see attitudes changed in this culture. I would like to see more women taking what they want and making themselves happy. Standing up for themselves and realising they matter too. They are important. ❤️

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My Letter to MP Andy McDonald Regarding APPG for Infant Feeding and Inequalities

  

I think it’s fair to say that issues surrounding infant feeding are some which are very close to my heart.  

The opportunity to create a group in parliament that can help tackle the issues mother’s face while attempting to breastfeed their babies, has arose. 

However, the wonderful people trying to get this group off the ground are struggling, as our MP’s are currently not aware of how important it is as a public health issue and are therefore not supporting the group in parliament. 

Therefore, I feel it is our duty to help raise this awareness with them and wrote this letter to my own local MP, asking him to represent me in parliament on this issue.

I hope you will find this inspiration to write to your own MP and let them know just how important this is to you.

Has your family suffered as a result of bad advice from your HCP about infant feeding or because you were unable to access good breastfeeding support?

You can be apart of preventing women from experiencing those same problems, in the future.

It doesn’t have to be as detailed as this letter. Simply providing your MP with the details of the APPG and asking them to represent you, will suffice! 

For more information on how to write your letter, please see this link. 

Together, we can make things better for all future mothers who want to reach their breastfeeding goals!

✌🏻️

Dear Andy,

I am writing to you today, as a mother, a breastfeeding peer supporter, in-training, and as a person who cares about the general health and well-being of the people in this country, in the hope that you will represent me on this very important issue.

I am writing to ensure that you will be attending the APPG for Infant Feeding and Inequalities, on Tuesday 19th January 2016.
I’m sure that you are already aware of the immense benefits breastfeeding has on our health:
– Lowered risk of gastroenteritis, respiratory infections, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, Obesity, Type 1 & 2 diabetes and allergies in infants and also cancer in later life, in infants.

– Protection against breast and ovarian cancer, and hip fractures later in life, the longer a mother breastfeeds.

– Recent evidence also suggests a link between prolonged breastfeeding and postmenopausal risk factors for cardiovascular disease (CV) in mothers.

– The World Cancer Research Fund includes breastfeeding as one of 10 recommendations to reduce the risk.

– All of these illnesses, with regard to the mother’s health, represent the greatest threats to women’s health across the ages.

Please see link for an overview of the evidence, including links to the most significant studies: http://www.unicef.org.uk/BabyFriendly/News-and-Research/Research/Breastfeeding-research—An-overview/ 

Aside from this and on a more personal level, I have to point to the humanity and positive mental health aspects of a family receiving sufficient support to breastfeed.

Breastfeeding is something that I learnt about through studying an Early Years course at college, 13 years ago, where infant physical and mental health featured largely throughout. Ever since, I have always known I wanted to do this for my baby, no questions asked. 

However, I soon discovered that it wasn’t as simple as I first thought and not because breastfeeding is difficult but because our local area does not provide sufficient support to any woman who wishes to breastfeed but experiences problems. 

My education on the matter has continued and I am now training to become a Breastfeeding Peer Supporter, so that I may volunteer to support women to achieve their breastfeeding goals. 

However, while peer supporters do help people to overcome some problems breastfeeding, I feel this doesn’t look closely enough at why women experience problems in the first place, nor does it efficiently prevent those problems from ever occurring.

The South Tees Infant Nutrition Team have been a life-line for myself and many others, however, their services are limited and there is no International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) working on that team. An IBCLC is the only person who is qualified to give out advice to the breastfeeding mother, as doing so unqualified can, and commonly does, contribute to the premature end of her breastfeeding journey. I am speaking generally, as, of course, the staff members who have worked for the team for many years, along with the other fully-trained peer supporters, obviously have a fair knowledge of breastfeeding. But support and advice on breastfeeding are two very different things and currently, there is no one person, fully qualified to give breastfeeding advice in the whole of Middlesbrough. So, you can understand why so many mother’s are finding their breastfeeding journey cut short. 

Research suggests a strong association to postnatal depression (PND) and a mother who wanted to breastfeed but couldn’t. Research also suggests a strong link to poor infant mental health and maternal depression. 

I hope you can see why this issue is one of importance in Middlesbrough. I would love to see an improvement to not only the health of our children in this area but to the health of mothers in this area, too. 

I believe that establishing a group, such as the APPG for Infant feeding and Inequalities can help overcome this problem.

Efforts have been made to establish the APPG for Infant Feeding and Inequalities in the UK parliament, recently. However, I was disappointed to discover that despite the group trying to form in November, there wasn’t enough cross-party representation, in particular, from Conservative and Labour MP’s. Unfortunately, this meant the group were actually prohibited from getting off the ground.

However, another opportunity has been formed for MP’s to help this group establish itself successfully, with another short meeting on Tuesday 19th January at 9.30am in W1 of Westminster Hall.

Will you attend this group on my behalf and ensure this group gets off the ground? Will you add your name to join the group?
As I have highlighted, this is an exciting opportunity to get involved in such important discussions and campaigns, which should be considered around the area of infant feeding, and I would be delighted if you, as my MP, could attend and help raise the issue on my behalf.
I look forward to hearing from you, 

Yours Sincerely, 

Lucy Marie Cuzzocrea

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Thirsty for Thirsk!

  
We’ve had a beautiful day in Thirsk, this afternoon. As soon as the husband said he was off that way, for a meeting, I took the opportunity and jumped in the car with him. 

I forgot how beautiful Thirsk is. A small village of cobble stones, coffee shops, bakeries and quirky craft stores. 

The first place we landed was the local book store, White Rose Books. One of my favourite things to do, in the world, is get lost in a book shop, and mentally add every book I pick up to my ‘Must-Get List’. 

I want ALL the books!!

So this was a great opportunity to share one of my favourite hobbies with Maya and I was pleased to see her thoroughly enjoy the experience, as well! 

What a gorgeous book shop it is, too. Two floors and a lovely little coffee shop, offering a range of homemade cakes and food. 

I enjoyed a yummy cherry and cinnamon tea, with a cupcake, and Maya chomped on cucumber, while she browsed their children’s selection, which was fab! 

 

There was so many children’s books, which continued upstairs, where there was also toys, board games, puppets, educational books and a drawing station. Downstairs, there was a table and chairs with a few toys and a basket full of books to read. This one was, quite conveniently,  placed right next to the coffee shop. 😉

  

Maya didn’t waste any time getting stuck in with the toys and books and spent a lot of the time shouting ‘Mmmmm’, which is her version of ‘Moo’. Lots of cows in the books. 

The staff were lovely! It made me realise why it is so important to support local businesses, like this one, rather than spend all our money on online companies, who apparently, don’t even pay tax in this country. 

We’ll definitely be making a trip back down, to stock up on some Christmas presents. 

Next, we hit the duck pond. Wow! Thirsk ducks have to be the most tame I have ever met! From the second we arrived, we were mobbed by hungry-looking feathery creatures, looking for a bite to eat. 

  
What a great, unexpected, little sensory experience for her! All that quacking, flapping and their strange little waddles. I can’t imagine what she must have made of it. It got me thinking, all the time we spend looking at pictures of animals, in books, with our little ones and making the noises to suit each one, what better way to teach them about animals than to show them, first hand, like that. So I’ve vowed to spend more time around animals, from now on. 

Next, we wandered along the high street to look for any hidden gems. We came across a lovely little craft shop, Kristina’s, hidden down one of the side streets. (Check out their Facebook page to see what they have on offer.) They were actually closed but the owner was in cleaning and let us in for a browse. It was a lovely little shop full of really unique craft items. The absolute perfect place to go if you’re looking for something different for the home or a gift for a friend. I can’t wait to see what they get in for Christmas! 

We just had enough time to pop into one of the charity shops, before our lift home arrived. So, we chose Oxfam. Full of wonderful books, toys, as good as new, and even a selection of Halloween costumes. The staff were so friendly and made some lovely comments about Maya and children being carried around in slings. Anyone like that, are our kind of people! 

So, quench your Thirsk thirst! Go and do some Christmas shopping and support your local economy. 

I can’t wait to go back! And we’ve definitely found our favourite book shop!

P.S. Check out White Rose Book’s Facebook page and give them a like! 😉

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