How a Modern Day Village is Helping Me Raise My Child

  

They say “It takes a village to raise a child.” I’ve read many articles that explain how important it is to recognise that humans, by nature, are supposed to raise their children as a communal effort with their extended family. But in our modern day society, villages are pretty hard to come by. 

I often close my eyes and try to imagine what an old time village of help might have looked like. Big houses full of people, laughter, good conversation. Children running around playing together. A big pot of soup on the stove, bread in the oven. It brings a smile to my face, at the thought. I imagine during spring and summer, children would be out in the garden, helping their elders grow the food that will be one day cooked up for them to eat and in Autumn they all go out to collect fruit for pies. I imagine mums, who can always take 5 mins or longer, to breathe and take care of themselves, while another member of the family watches the kids. And the joint effort that would go into the general care of the house. I like this place. Something in my blood misses this place.

But now, in a world that focuses on each person being as productive for industry as possible, we find that the people in our “village” are gone. Simply too busy to take part. 

Grandparents, aunties and uncles, our closest friends, all have jobs to commit to. Unless one person in a single family earns enough to take care of the family finances, alone, all parties must find themselves a job in order to contribute and sustain their way of living. This leaves new parents in a bit of a pickle when it comes to sourcing help and support from their village. New parents find themselves alone in the home, to take care of not only the children but the other jobs that need taking care of in the home. Again, something that in days gone by, would have been a shared responsibility. 

We power through, often struggling to raise our children in the way we see fit, whilst trying to understand why this whole parenting thing is so bloody difficult! 

It usually leaves us feeling like we are incapable or like we are failing at parenting. 

Some become anxious, depressed and find themselves needing medical care, either in the form of medication or counselling. Many others don’t even get this far. As a result of poor mental health education and awareness, many continue to struggle through, without ever taking care of their mental well-being, leading to many more problems in their lives. It’s a huge problem!

I don’t have the answers to this. I’m aware that if our government spent a little more time focusing on the importance and value of care in the home, whatever form that might take, then we might not be finding ourselves in such a pandemic with maternal or family-related mental health issues – You can follow Mothers at Home Matter Too to see how one organisation is trying to change government policy on this issue and also The Politics of Mothering to join discussions that surround these issues. – For now, all I can do is hope that many will see the merit that a politician like Jeremy Corbyn would bring to our government, and carry on. But what I do recognise, is that I seem to have created my very own, modern-day village. And many other parents seem to be doing the same.

It’s not as traditional as the villages we humans were once used to. The grandparents are still there, on certain days. The friends still exist. But in this village, there is a special group of other parents, who are all going through the same dilemmas. They are all helping eachother out with advice and personal success stories. They are there when a mum needs breastfeeding advice, when they are struggling to get sleep but don’t want to leave their tiny baby alone in a room to cry, or when they want to deal with their raging toddler without losing the plot. They are there for moral support, when someone has argued once again with their husband or the house is a complete mess and they feel they have no one else in the world to turn to. They are there to support eachother through things like Postnatal Depression. There’s even a library in this village, full of cookbooks, breastfeeding books, weaning books, attachment parenting books, self-help books, a book full of ideas on what clothes they can wear to breastfeed in. It’s quite amazing! 

It’s called the internet. 

As if by magic, this new world has opened, in protest and mourning, at the loss of our physical villages. People are digging through pages and forums, to find a new community that can help them with the hardest job on earth. And these relationships have become some of the most important in our lives. 

There’s a part of me that feels sad at this realisation. There’s a part of me that wishes my village could be filled with the people I love most, in the physical world. But there is also a part of me that is hugely grateful for those who play such an important role in my online life because without those special people, without the library of information, I dread to think of how I would be getting by with my day-to-day life. 

However, this in itself is not a sustainable model. Why? Because behind our screens, these people are alone too and far away. 

One solution I found to this, was to set up a local parent support group. I recognised the need for realtime people, face-to-face support and friendships. And you know what? It’s going pretty well. 

There’s around 200 members in this group and around 30 volunteers. As volunteers, we aim to come together and help any parent we recognise to be struggling on their own. We make batch meals and deliver them if a parent is too tired or too busy to cook. We arrange playdates in eachothers houses, so that no parent ever has to feel isolated. We go for walks in the park together, meet up in coffee shops and at playgroups. We wash pots and hold the baby so mum can take a shower. And we’re also there for that all important online support. 

I’m really proud of what the group has achieved and feel it’s a great attempt to claw back a little of what has been lost with our sense of community. I urge any parent who feels the same to do similar. Find your village! Find that help and give it back. There’s a huge community of parents out there, just like you, feeling alone, stressed, believing they aren’t capable of this job. But they are. YOU are! We just a need a little help. We just need to find our village. 😉

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Thirsty for Thirsk!

  
We’ve had a beautiful day in Thirsk, this afternoon. As soon as the husband said he was off that way, for a meeting, I took the opportunity and jumped in the car with him. 

I forgot how beautiful Thirsk is. A small village of cobble stones, coffee shops, bakeries and quirky craft stores. 

The first place we landed was the local book store, White Rose Books. One of my favourite things to do, in the world, is get lost in a book shop, and mentally add every book I pick up to my ‘Must-Get List’. 

I want ALL the books!!

So this was a great opportunity to share one of my favourite hobbies with Maya and I was pleased to see her thoroughly enjoy the experience, as well! 

What a gorgeous book shop it is, too. Two floors and a lovely little coffee shop, offering a range of homemade cakes and food. 

I enjoyed a yummy cherry and cinnamon tea, with a cupcake, and Maya chomped on cucumber, while she browsed their children’s selection, which was fab! 

 

There was so many children’s books, which continued upstairs, where there was also toys, board games, puppets, educational books and a drawing station. Downstairs, there was a table and chairs with a few toys and a basket full of books to read. This one was, quite conveniently,  placed right next to the coffee shop. 😉

  

Maya didn’t waste any time getting stuck in with the toys and books and spent a lot of the time shouting ‘Mmmmm’, which is her version of ‘Moo’. Lots of cows in the books. 

The staff were lovely! It made me realise why it is so important to support local businesses, like this one, rather than spend all our money on online companies, who apparently, don’t even pay tax in this country. 

We’ll definitely be making a trip back down, to stock up on some Christmas presents. 

Next, we hit the duck pond. Wow! Thirsk ducks have to be the most tame I have ever met! From the second we arrived, we were mobbed by hungry-looking feathery creatures, looking for a bite to eat. 

  
What a great, unexpected, little sensory experience for her! All that quacking, flapping and their strange little waddles. I can’t imagine what she must have made of it. It got me thinking, all the time we spend looking at pictures of animals, in books, with our little ones and making the noises to suit each one, what better way to teach them about animals than to show them, first hand, like that. So I’ve vowed to spend more time around animals, from now on. 

Next, we wandered along the high street to look for any hidden gems. We came across a lovely little craft shop, Kristina’s, hidden down one of the side streets. (Check out their Facebook page to see what they have on offer.) They were actually closed but the owner was in cleaning and let us in for a browse. It was a lovely little shop full of really unique craft items. The absolute perfect place to go if you’re looking for something different for the home or a gift for a friend. I can’t wait to see what they get in for Christmas! 

We just had enough time to pop into one of the charity shops, before our lift home arrived. So, we chose Oxfam. Full of wonderful books, toys, as good as new, and even a selection of Halloween costumes. The staff were so friendly and made some lovely comments about Maya and children being carried around in slings. Anyone like that, are our kind of people! 

So, quench your Thirsk thirst! Go and do some Christmas shopping and support your local economy. 

I can’t wait to go back! And we’ve definitely found our favourite book shop!

P.S. Check out White Rose Book’s Facebook page and give them a like! 😉

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