Two Years with a Girl Called Maya

Two years ago today, you came into our lives. Like the whirlwind that you are, you flew into mummy’s arms.

Eyes wide open, keen to see this new world. Your curiosity never left you and into discovery you hurled.

Within a few weeks, your legs were strong enough to stand. I think we knew, right then, that soon we would be letting go of your hand.

And you made sure that pretty head of yours had the strength to turn, with a world full of wonder, around you, you had so much to learn

You kept us on our toes. It wasn’t easy, lord knows! But we worked on our bond with our poorly little girl. We listened to your hurt. Never gave up and ignored the world, when they told us not to spoil you, and to leave you to cry. They should have known that would never happen with a baby of mine!

Time ticked on and stronger you grew! We blinked and there you were, crawling, out of the blue! 2 whole months you had been trying, so much determination, unwinding!

Not long after, you took your first steps. Such a proud moment, when from my arms you leapt, into the world, all on your own, – Bye bye, mummy and daddy, I’m such a clever girl now, all big and grown.

From that moment on, not a soul could stop you. From one thing to the next, our amazement continued, with new words, new actions, kind gestures and your funny ways. We knew right then, we had been blessed for all our days.

Because before our eyes, was a strong little girl, bringing so much joy and kindness into an often cruel world.

So the tough times were worth it, we know that now. Thank you for showing us exactly how, to have a little patience, when things don’t go our way and to reach for the moon, as we wish for brighter days.

And now the days have come, you crave your independence. Here you go darling, it’s all yours for the taking.

And when you need us, we’ll always be there, to hold your hand when you get scared, pick you up when you’ve fallen down, to love you with every piece of our hearts, even through all your frowns.

Each day you bring us more pride than you could ever know. Happy Birthday to our big, little girl, how quickly two years can go!

Why Does My Baby Cry?

This must be one of the most common questions asked by parents in the West and yet, while many around them are quick to answer with suggestions such as colic or reflux, not many can explain exactly why and what to do about it. 

I hear time and time again, from mums who visited their GP or health visitor and were told, ‘It’s *just* colic.’ and ‘Baby will grow out of it in a few weeks.’ What this blanket response fails to do, is look at the possible health issues, that science is rapidly discovering, could in fact be the true cause. Health issues that aren’t just mild, rare and manageable but are so common and so severe that they could be one of the main causes of Britain’s current crisis of male and female Post Natal Depression, along with other mental health illnesses.

For years parents have been robbed of sleep, peace and feelings of pride and accomplishment that should come a few times, each day, as a new parent but for many, is not. Western culture, has taught us that babies cry and we just have to deal with it but this isn’t the case in all countries. In fact, it is widely reported that babies in Africa don’t cry as much as Western babies. One blogger reports on her interpretation of why this is, in telling her story of when she returned to her home town of Kenya to give birth to her baby. She noted that in Kenya, “The understanding is that babies don’t cry. If they do – something is horribly wrong and must be done to rectify it immediately.”

Ignoring babies’ cries is extremely common practice, here, in the UK and something that most people don’t tend to have too much concern over. Yet, many mums are feeling in their gut there is something wrong when their baby cries. Otherwise known as, instinct! But time and time again, she is told by everyone in her world to ignore it. That very important, fantastically evolved human ability that helps us to monitor our baby’s health and wellbeing, allowing us to attune ourselves to their needs, their hunger, their fears and their tears. Yes. That’s right. Ignore it! Because babies just cry.

What fascinates me the most, is that the science is clear on this one. A baby crying, is a baby communicating a need to his caregiver. That need may be hunger, thirst, comfort, reassurance, protection, or illness, all of which need to be met by the caregiver. Yet, when a parent raises a concern, they are met with apathy and told not to worry. You can’t imagine (or perhaps, you can if you are a parent reading this) what kind of affect that has on a mothers’ primal instinct. Well, I’ll tell you. When the world tells you your instinct is wrong, you learn not to trust it. When you don’t feel like you can trust your own instinct, you question your entire parenting capability. When you don’t trust your capability as a parent, your mental health stops looking so good and problems start to arise. 

There are many reasons as to why this became such a popular cultural practice. The main culprit being a product of old-fashioned Victorian values. During this period, it was widely believed that if you gave into your babies demands (needs!!!) then you would not be able to raise proper gentlemen and women. By giving into their demands (needs!!!) you would, in fact, spoil them. All these years later, and while second-wave Attachment Parenting (or as I like to call it, Parenting) comes back around, and some are realising that limitlessly holding your baby, breastfeeding them to sleep and allowing them to sleep in your bed, actually doesn’t create spoiled brats and, actually, as many are finding, creates strong bonds and children that grow to be kind and compassionate human beings. While this is the case for some parents, many are being left behind, as a result of old, cultural beliefs refusing to shift and also, a glitch in the training of our health proffessionals.

Health professionals, those wonderful, reliable, only people in the world who can help you during this horrible, painful time, who are so wrongfully misinforming parents with outdated advice and ignoring clear symptoms of illnesses such as dairy intolerance or tongue tie, on such a huge scale.

What is most concerning about this kind of response and lack of investigation, is the impact the failure to discover the true nature of the symptoms can have on the entire family, most specifically on their mental health. 
So, what can you do if your baby is crying and you don’t know why?

Know what is normal and what isn’t!

1. The first thing to do is to research what is normal! One big reason mums get so worried, is because they don’t know a thing about growth spurts and how this can affect feeding. Both breastfed and bottle fed infants will require an increased amount of milk when they hit a growth spurt, because their bodies are growing at such a rapid rate. Makes total sense, now! But if you don’t know what to expect, you’re not going to get very far. Most parents, today, believe that when a baby cries to be fed more, this must be a sign to wean them early or move them onto a ‘hungrier baby’ type milk. Wrong! Just increase the amount of milk your baby receives. Follow your baby’s lead. He will let you know when he needs more and when he doesn’t but he will never say, ‘Erm, mummy, I think I need some mushed up vegetables, now.’ when he is 4 months old. 
2. Research what is normal infant sleep! Another great mistake our culture makes, is the repeatedly asking a mother, after only a week (and forever, thereafter) of her baby being earthside, if the baby is sleeping through the night, yet. This gives the impression that babies actually sleep through the night. Ok. Some wonderful, amazing babies do in fact sleep through the night but they are in the minority! The majority of babies wake at night, because it is in their biology to do so and, for many, no amount of sleep training will change that. Not only this but studies show sleep training is bad for babies’ brains, as well as bad for breastfeeding. Babies aren’t supposed to sleep through the night but when they don’t do what the parent expects them to do, the parent blames no one but themselves. ‘It must be something I am doing wrong, everyone’s baby sleeps through the night apart from mine’. Even health visitors are asking this question to new mums. The pressure becomes so intense that parents start to lie. *NERVOUS GIGGLE* ‘Oh, yeah. He sleeps really well, we get loads of sleep!’ When other parents hear this, they too believe they are the only ones in the world who have a baby who won’t sleep through and the cycle continues. Thankfully, a little research on websites such as the wonderful Infant Sleep Information Source show, through lots of evidence, that this isn’t actually the case!
3. Look into Attachment Parenting and find your closest APUK branch for support. For generations, we have believed that separating ourselves from our baby is a good thing, when, in reality, has probably lead to a lot more problems than it has aimed to solve. Attachment Parenting offers real solutions to why your baby may be crying, as well as solutions to sleep deprivation without going against your natural instincts. 
4. Are you breastfeeding? Does it hurt? Question it! So many mums will be told, ‘The latch looks fine.’ but if that baby is making your nipples burn, that’s a sure fire way to tell you that the latch isn’t fine and something needs fixing or tweaking! Seek REAL breastfeeding help. Most GP’s, Midwives and Health Visitors in this country, receive minimal training on breastfeeding and very often give out bad advice to mums. That’s not to say all health professionals are complete novices when it comes to breastfeeding but it is a really big problem in this country, at the minute, and all mums should be aware of that when seeking their help with breastfeeding. Find your local breastfeeding support group on Facebook and in your local Sure Start centre, where you will find trained breastfeeding peer supporters. Find your local La Leche League, who will also have a Facebook group or page, as a point of contact. Source a breastfeeding counsellor (NCT offer this service for free!) or an Internationally Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC). If any of this isn’t possible, read the websites I have linked in the text above, including the amazing Kelly Mom website. I personally use Kelly Mom as my main go-to for any breastfeeding questions but use whatever works for you. Try to stay away from google and mumsnet boards. We are one of the worst countries in the whole world for breastfeeding myths. This is the best way to avoid them! 
5. Bottle or breastfeeding. Does your baby cry excessively despite seeing to all of his immediate needs and all the above mentioned? Has your baby been checked for tongue-tie or a food allergy/intolerance? My best guess would be, no. This is such a grey area, currently, within our health system. Evidence is still emerging for tongue tie and food intolerances, and so, health professionals are not fully informed on all of the new information, yet. So a trip to your GP with concerns in these areas, could well leave you disappointed. Again, research! The links above will help you gain insight into food intolerances, as well as this website http://www.cowsmilkallergy.co.uk. Join the Facebook support groups available by searching ‘CMPA’ and ‘CMPI’ which stands for Cows Milk Protein Allergy/Intolerance. You will find a wealth of information and support and gain advice from mums who know exactly what you are going through. As for tongue tie, the wonderful Milk Matters will tell you all you need to know. Milk Matters are independent Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultants, in West Yorkshire, who specialise in treating babies with tongue tie, as well as other difficult to resolve feeding problems in both bottle and breastfed infants. They are very passionate about their work and raising awareness on tongue tie and will often answer many questions for free, from their Facebook page. The founder is also the writer of a famously successful breastfeeding blog, Analytical Armadillo, which is another great source for information on all things infant feeding. Both tongue tie and food intolerances (as well as some breastfeeding problems, such as oversupply/fast let-down) can produce very similar symptoms, including excessive crying or fussiness! 
6. Lastly, I want to mention Osteopathy. Something that until I had friends with tongue tied babies, I had never heard about. I am still learning about them but one thing I do know is that when it comes to babies, they work wonders! One mum I know had a baby with tongue tie but his neck muscles were so complicated that they would sometimes hide the tongue tie. When the mum drove to the tongue tie clinic – although previously the same IBCLC had witnessed the tongue tie- today, it was no longer visible. The mum took a trip to an osteopath and when she returned to the tongue tie clinic, as if by magic, the tie was visible again and the IBCLC was able to revise it.

So, I guess what I want for you to take from this is that if you feel in your gut that something isn’t right when the world tells you it’s fine and starts to make you feel a like you are going crazy. Stop! You are not crazy. You are a mother who is in tune with her baby’s needs and there are other options you can look into, other that “colic” and “reflux”. This list is in no way comprehensive, either, but I’m hoping it will give you a starting point to finding the correct solution to your problem.

I hope you can find the support that you need and I hope you can always trust in yourself and be guided by your instincts. 
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As one door closes, another one opens.

Our almost 2 year old big girl, decided to have a day of exploring some independence, today.
On leaving the house to attend our favourite playgroup, instead of climbing into her pushchair, she announced, “No. My can walk!” So, today, for the first time, she walked. 

She was so good at listening to mummy. She held my hand, stayed on the path and let me hold the reign when she wanted a bit more freedom. 

She stepped onto the bus, all by herself, and even sat on her very own seat, which she was thrilled with and told everyone, “My seat!”, with a huge grin on her face. 

When we got off the bus, she walked passed the workers, fixing the broken road, and watched as she held my hand. No jumping into my arms, scared of the big noise. Instead, her eyes stayed fixed in curiosity, as I explained, as well as I could, what it was all about.

On the way home, she learnt how to wait on the path, when the red man shows and only to cross when the green man shows. 
I think crossing the road was her favourite part, as she repeated “Cross the road!” every 2 minutes, each way! 😁

Yesterday, she didn’t have this hunger for autonomy. Today she explored a new world and I was left feeling a mixture of both sadness and pride. As one door closes, another one opens, they say. 

It’s crazy how your love develops for them, every step of the way. 

I think I’ll remember this day forever. 💗

How a Modern Day Village is Helping Me Raise My Child

  

They say “It takes a village to raise a child.” I’ve read many articles that explain how important it is to recognise that humans, by nature, are supposed to raise their children as a communal effort with their extended family. But in our modern day society, villages are pretty hard to come by. 

I often close my eyes and try to imagine what an old time village of help might have looked like. Big houses full of people, laughter, good conversation. Children running around playing together. A big pot of soup on the stove, bread in the oven. It brings a smile to my face, at the thought. I imagine during spring and summer, children would be out in the garden, helping their elders grow the food that will be one day cooked up for them to eat and in Autumn they all go out to collect fruit for pies. I imagine mums, who can always take 5 mins or longer, to breathe and take care of themselves, while another member of the family watches the kids. And the joint effort that would go into the general care of the house. I like this place. Something in my blood misses this place.

But now, in a world that focuses on each person being as productive for industry as possible, we find that the people in our “village” are gone. Simply too busy to take part. 

Grandparents, aunties and uncles, our closest friends, all have jobs to commit to. Unless one person in a single family earns enough to take care of the family finances, alone, all parties must find themselves a job in order to contribute and sustain their way of living. This leaves new parents in a bit of a pickle when it comes to sourcing help and support from their village. New parents find themselves alone in the home, to take care of not only the children but the other jobs that need taking care of in the home. Again, something that in days gone by, would have been a shared responsibility. 

We power through, often struggling to raise our children in the way we see fit, whilst trying to understand why this whole parenting thing is so bloody difficult! 

It usually leaves us feeling like we are incapable or like we are failing at parenting. 

Some become anxious, depressed and find themselves needing medical care, either in the form of medication or counselling. Many others don’t even get this far. As a result of poor mental health education and awareness, many continue to struggle through, without ever taking care of their mental well-being, leading to many more problems in their lives. It’s a huge problem!

I don’t have the answers to this. I’m aware that if our government spent a little more time focusing on the importance and value of care in the home, whatever form that might take, then we might not be finding ourselves in such a pandemic with maternal or family-related mental health issues – You can follow Mothers at Home Matter Too to see how one organisation is trying to change government policy on this issue and also The Politics of Mothering to join discussions that surround these issues. – For now, all I can do is hope that many will see the merit that a politician like Jeremy Corbyn would bring to our government, and carry on. But what I do recognise, is that I seem to have created my very own, modern-day village. And many other parents seem to be doing the same.

It’s not as traditional as the villages we humans were once used to. The grandparents are still there, on certain days. The friends still exist. But in this village, there is a special group of other parents, who are all going through the same dilemmas. They are all helping eachother out with advice and personal success stories. They are there when a mum needs breastfeeding advice, when they are struggling to get sleep but don’t want to leave their tiny baby alone in a room to cry, or when they want to deal with their raging toddler without losing the plot. They are there for moral support, when someone has argued once again with their husband or the house is a complete mess and they feel they have no one else in the world to turn to. They are there to support eachother through things like Postnatal Depression. There’s even a library in this village, full of cookbooks, breastfeeding books, weaning books, attachment parenting books, self-help books, a book full of ideas on what clothes they can wear to breastfeed in. It’s quite amazing! 

It’s called the internet. 

As if by magic, this new world has opened, in protest and mourning, at the loss of our physical villages. People are digging through pages and forums, to find a new community that can help them with the hardest job on earth. And these relationships have become some of the most important in our lives. 

There’s a part of me that feels sad at this realisation. There’s a part of me that wishes my village could be filled with the people I love most, in the physical world. But there is also a part of me that is hugely grateful for those who play such an important role in my online life because without those special people, without the library of information, I dread to think of how I would be getting by with my day-to-day life. 

However, this in itself is not a sustainable model. Why? Because behind our screens, these people are alone too and far away. 

One solution I found to this, was to set up a local parent support group. I recognised the need for realtime people, face-to-face support and friendships. And you know what? It’s going pretty well. 

There’s around 200 members in this group and around 30 volunteers. As volunteers, we aim to come together and help any parent we recognise to be struggling on their own. We make batch meals and deliver them if a parent is too tired or too busy to cook. We arrange playdates in eachothers houses, so that no parent ever has to feel isolated. We go for walks in the park together, meet up in coffee shops and at playgroups. We wash pots and hold the baby so mum can take a shower. And we’re also there for that all important online support. 

I’m really proud of what the group has achieved and feel it’s a great attempt to claw back a little of what has been lost with our sense of community. I urge any parent who feels the same to do similar. Find your village! Find that help and give it back. There’s a huge community of parents out there, just like you, feeling alone, stressed, believing they aren’t capable of this job. But they are. YOU are! We just a need a little help. We just need to find our village. 😉

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Stop Waiting for Your Milk to “Come In”. It’s Already Here!

Ok Ladies, it’s time we had a little chat about your lovely boobs!

I spend a lot of time frequenting breastfeeding support groups online. I’m also currently training to become a breastfeeding peer supporter and attend breastfeeding groups regularly around my home town. And it’s come to my attention that a lot of hard working milk mamas are getting their nursing bras in a bit of a twist about when their milk will ‘come in’. 

I just need to clear this one thing up with you all, here and now!

From the day your baby is born, YOUR MILK IS HERE! (Actually, technically it’s been there for weeks!)

That lovely juicy, creamy stuff that drops from your breasts, the minute your baby starts sucking, is milk!

Yes ladies, colostrum IS milk. Newborn milk. And it’s some good shit!

Colostrum is low in fat, and high in carbohydrates, protein and anti-bodies, which all work to make your baby super healthy. It’s also very easy to digest, making it the perfect first food for your little angel – Colostrum literally means “first milk”. 

It’s often referred to as “The Good Stuff”. And for good reason! It’s what builds your baby’s immune system from the go, ensuring their little bodies can have a good chance of fighting off anything that might attack it, early on. Something that no breastmilk substitute can replicate!

Following frequent breastfeeding, from the offset and on demand, your milk will slowly start to change, each day. What was once a thick, yellowy substance, will start to become thin and white. And this, I believe is where the confusion comes from. 

Around day 3-4, after your baby has been working hard to let your boobs know he is growing and he is hungry, your awesome milk factories begin to produce more and more milk, increasing in quantity. THIS is known as, your ‘milk coming in’. 

While we’re here, I have another thing I would like you amazing ladies to know. It’s not rare, when a mum is concerned about when her milk will arrive, to see other mums tell her, “Oh, you will know when!” Well, actually, it’s not always so obvious for some mums. 

While many will wake one morning, feeling like someone came in the middle of the night and swapped her body for Pamela Anderson’s, wondering why the bed is so wet, others will hardly notice the change. Sometimes, the milk change is so smooth for a mum that it causes her to pause and question what is happening. Well, mamas, don’t you worry! 

YOUR MILK IS HERE! 

It’s also important to remember, while you are worrying about the quantity of your milk, that your baby’s tummy is seriously tiny! Meaning that in the first days, they are incapable of taking in more than 5-27 ml’s per feed. It’s not until they reach week 1 that their stomach becomes big enough to hold around 45-60ml, so there really isn’t any need to worry about having a huge amount of milk, just yet! 

  

You don’t need to be asking yourself when your milk will turn up because, you guessed it, YOUR MILK IS HERE!

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Patriarchy for Mothers

 

So, I’ve just finished watching that video with Jada Pinkett-Smith and her reply to her daughter’s question, “How hard is it being a wife and a mother?” 

Her response was astounding and admirable. Her voice feels like one of survival, as she reveals the biggest lessons she has learnt as a wife and as a mother and wow, is it emotional?

As a mother myself, who is currently learning just how important it is to remember yourself in this game, I could really relate. And I think I’m not the only one. 

However, one of the most important aspects of this lesson for me, is how this problem that we face as mothers, is one born out of habit within our culture, rather than simply the messages that float around, within in.

It’s interesting she blames “messaging”. I think it can seem that way because we feel so judged for our actions as mothers.

In fact, I believe, it comes from our patriarchal culture.

We come from a country where men were, first and foremost, in control of women. Women were slaves to their own society. They had no rights and were oppressed and taken advantage of and any work they did was largely devalued. 

Much of that still remains today. While women have been given certain “freedoms”, ie. in the workplace, voting, the right to divorce her husband, the right not to be abused by her husband etc… many attitudes still remain as a by-product of those horrible Victorian ways. 

I still don’t believe that the work we do as mothers is valued enough. If a woman chooses to stay home with her children, then she’s seen as having an “easy life”. If she is on benefits, as well, then she really needs to sort her act out and get a job and stop being “lazy”! If a woman decides to work, she is criticised for not being a “full-time mum”. Where are the men in all of this? What part do they play? Who is criticising them for not being a stay-at-home dad or for going out to work? How guilty do they feel about their choices as parents? 

Women have so many burdens, both physical and emotional, to carry as mothers and I don’t believe those burdens are being either valued or shared equally, in partnership. 

So, it’s easy to look at it as a problem with the “messages” we’re sending out but I think that is only a result of a culture that has always heavily criticised and judged a woman’s work and life, and all-around general self. Women can’t seem to win. And women are even turning on each other. 

I would like to see attitudes changed in this culture. I would like to see more women taking what they want and making themselves happy. Standing up for themselves and realising they matter too. They are important. ❤️

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My Letter to MP Andy McDonald Regarding APPG for Infant Feeding and Inequalities

  

I think it’s fair to say that issues surrounding infant feeding are some which are very close to my heart.  

The opportunity to create a group in parliament that can help tackle the issues mother’s face while attempting to breastfeed their babies, has arose. 

However, the wonderful people trying to get this group off the ground are struggling, as our MP’s are currently not aware of how important it is as a public health issue and are therefore not supporting the group in parliament. 

Therefore, I feel it is our duty to help raise this awareness with them and wrote this letter to my own local MP, asking him to represent me in parliament on this issue.

I hope you will find this inspiration to write to your own MP and let them know just how important this is to you.

Has your family suffered as a result of bad advice from your HCP about infant feeding or because you were unable to access good breastfeeding support?

You can be apart of preventing women from experiencing those same problems, in the future.

It doesn’t have to be as detailed as this letter. Simply providing your MP with the details of the APPG and asking them to represent you, will suffice! 

For more information on how to write your letter, please see this link. 

Together, we can make things better for all future mothers who want to reach their breastfeeding goals!

✌🏻️

Dear Andy,

I am writing to you today, as a mother, a breastfeeding peer supporter, in-training, and as a person who cares about the general health and well-being of the people in this country, in the hope that you will represent me on this very important issue.

I am writing to ensure that you will be attending the APPG for Infant Feeding and Inequalities, on Tuesday 19th January 2016.
I’m sure that you are already aware of the immense benefits breastfeeding has on our health:
– Lowered risk of gastroenteritis, respiratory infections, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, Obesity, Type 1 & 2 diabetes and allergies in infants and also cancer in later life, in infants.

– Protection against breast and ovarian cancer, and hip fractures later in life, the longer a mother breastfeeds.

– Recent evidence also suggests a link between prolonged breastfeeding and postmenopausal risk factors for cardiovascular disease (CV) in mothers.

– The World Cancer Research Fund includes breastfeeding as one of 10 recommendations to reduce the risk.

– All of these illnesses, with regard to the mother’s health, represent the greatest threats to women’s health across the ages.

Please see link for an overview of the evidence, including links to the most significant studies: http://www.unicef.org.uk/BabyFriendly/News-and-Research/Research/Breastfeeding-research—An-overview/ 

Aside from this and on a more personal level, I have to point to the humanity and positive mental health aspects of a family receiving sufficient support to breastfeed.

Breastfeeding is something that I learnt about through studying an Early Years course at college, 13 years ago, where infant physical and mental health featured largely throughout. Ever since, I have always known I wanted to do this for my baby, no questions asked. 

However, I soon discovered that it wasn’t as simple as I first thought and not because breastfeeding is difficult but because our local area does not provide sufficient support to any woman who wishes to breastfeed but experiences problems. 

My education on the matter has continued and I am now training to become a Breastfeeding Peer Supporter, so that I may volunteer to support women to achieve their breastfeeding goals. 

However, while peer supporters do help people to overcome some problems breastfeeding, I feel this doesn’t look closely enough at why women experience problems in the first place, nor does it efficiently prevent those problems from ever occurring.

The South Tees Infant Nutrition Team have been a life-line for myself and many others, however, their services are limited and there is no International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) working on that team. An IBCLC is the only person who is qualified to give out advice to the breastfeeding mother, as doing so unqualified can, and commonly does, contribute to the premature end of her breastfeeding journey. I am speaking generally, as, of course, the staff members who have worked for the team for many years, along with the other fully-trained peer supporters, obviously have a fair knowledge of breastfeeding. But support and advice on breastfeeding are two very different things and currently, there is no one person, fully qualified to give breastfeeding advice in the whole of Middlesbrough. So, you can understand why so many mother’s are finding their breastfeeding journey cut short. 

Research suggests a strong association to postnatal depression (PND) and a mother who wanted to breastfeed but couldn’t. Research also suggests a strong link to poor infant mental health and maternal depression. 

I hope you can see why this issue is one of importance in Middlesbrough. I would love to see an improvement to not only the health of our children in this area but to the health of mothers in this area, too. 

I believe that establishing a group, such as the APPG for Infant feeding and Inequalities can help overcome this problem.

Efforts have been made to establish the APPG for Infant Feeding and Inequalities in the UK parliament, recently. However, I was disappointed to discover that despite the group trying to form in November, there wasn’t enough cross-party representation, in particular, from Conservative and Labour MP’s. Unfortunately, this meant the group were actually prohibited from getting off the ground.

However, another opportunity has been formed for MP’s to help this group establish itself successfully, with another short meeting on Tuesday 19th January at 9.30am in W1 of Westminster Hall.

Will you attend this group on my behalf and ensure this group gets off the ground? Will you add your name to join the group?
As I have highlighted, this is an exciting opportunity to get involved in such important discussions and campaigns, which should be considered around the area of infant feeding, and I would be delighted if you, as my MP, could attend and help raise the issue on my behalf.
I look forward to hearing from you, 

Yours Sincerely, 

Lucy Marie Cuzzocrea

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What ‘That Meme’ Should Have Said

I received an interesting response from my last post, about how inappropriate wording can innocently and inadvertently discourage the breastfeeding mum. Formula companies know it but many of us mere mortals, are yet to discover it.

It was my blog’s most controversial subject, to date. Some mums felt hurt and misunderstood that I could even question something that was created to give mums, who are sat at home feeling bad about themselves, a lift! Something that, on the surface, was supportive to those mums who are having or have had a difficult journey, trying to nourish their adored little people. And, of course, on the surface, to some, I looked like a bit of a cruel bastard. 

However, I pushed on. I urged mums to look past their initial judgement and to try and understand, exactly, what I was trying to say. I had some good support from other mums who ‘get it’, in one or two online, breastfeeding support groups. But it was a tough slog. 

The message got through to some but not to others and, oh dear, we almost hit the “Mommy Wars” territory! The very thing the formula companies wanted, by creating the concept in the first place, and feeding it to naive minds and emotionally vulnerable mums.  

Just as I was starting to lose all hope, feeling like my efforts were all for nothing, I read the sentence, “Tube, Bottle or Breast. Turns out, no matter how it’s ingested, breastmilk is best.”

Yes!!! There it is. There it bloody is!

This is why copy writers get paid a lot of money, to come up with those magic one-liners (…or in this case, two!).

Einstein once said, “If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it.” 

Maybe that’s true. Maybe, I am still trying to get my head around things that my heart tells me, are wrong. My problem is, I tend to beat around the bush and elaborate, no end, trying to explain things simply. Or maybe, it’s because the subject is so large and complex, even one small blog article, can’t simplify it’s density. 

This one sentence, came along and saved the day! Oh my giddy aunt, did it make me happy. So, I did this.  

How To Talk About Milk

THIS is how ‘that meme’ should have looked!

This, is how to get the message across, to mums who have spent hours pumping/hand expressing their milk, to tube or bottle feed their little darlings, feeling like the biggest failure known to man, because breastfeeding, the most natural thing in the world, didn’t work out for them. 

This is how to say to that mum, “You are still providing your breastmilk and doing a wonderful job. That is what matters!” 

This is how we do not tell a mum, that all that hard work, expressing, getting up every 2-3 hours during the night, to sit in a cold chair and express her milk, is a wasted effort, because it doesn’t matter what you feed your baby, “Fed is best.” 

NO. That is NOT ok. 

Thank you to the lady, who provided this sentence and also to the lady, whose idea it was to make this meme! 

Women like you might often be put down for your efforts, and called horrible, shitty things like, ‘The Brestapo’, but YOU are the reason women succeed with breastfeeding. You go out of your way, in your own free time, to ensure messages like the one in ‘that meme’ are hidden from the hard-working, breastfeeding mum, who knows she is doing everything for a reason! 

Thank you! 💗✌🏻️ #lactivist 

Unicef Baby Friendly Initiative Leaflet

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I Just Got Kicked Out of a Breastfeeding Support Group for Supporting Breastfeeding!

I just got kicked out of a breastfeeding support group for supporting and trying to protect breastfeeding mothers. 

A lady in the group posted this.

 
Seems harmless enough, right? Shouldn’t we all support this kind of feeding. Just because it’s not breastfeeding, doesn’t mean it’s not ok, right?

We’re all mothers just trying to do our job. 

The problem, here, is that this is exactly the kind of thing that breastfeeding mothers are trying to escape by joining A BREASTFEEDING SUPPORT GROUP. 

All throughout my first few months of breastfeeding, a time when I needed the support to breastfeed, from the people around me more than ever, all I heard was, “Just give her a bottle.” It was said with the best of intentions, I understand that. It was always well-meaning but it was also always said by people who bottle-fed their children. People who knew nothing about breastfeeding, whatsoever. So they couldn’t understand that, as well-meaning as it was, it was the very last thing that I needed to hear. 

Breastfeeding is MY RIGHT! It is my BABY’S RIGHT! I wanted to breastfeed. My baby wanted to breastfeed. I needed breastfeeding support. I did not need more people telling me to just give up and put her on a bottle. 

So, as you can imagine, I found huge comfort and relief in my local, online, breastfeeding support group, Breast Buddies Teesside. It was, literally, the only place I could go where no one would tell me to just put my baby on a bottle. I found all the encouragement, correct information and support that I needed to continue and, here I am, still breastfeeding today! I can guarantee that would not have happened, had I not found that group. 

Further to this, there was never any imagery of bottle feeding in there. Instead, women were posting beautiful pictures of their baby’s breastfeeding, bursting with pride that the latch was ‘finally right’ or that they had finally plucked up the courage to feed their newborn in public, without receiving any negative comments. This kind of thing, helps us women to feel supported because it makes us feel NORMAL. 

Images of the bottle fed baby are, literally, everywhere. In our adverts, on tele, in our magazines, on our TV soaps, our parents bottle fed, our sisters, friends, HECK even our children’s dolls all come with a bottle. Bottle feeding couldn’t be more normal, in our culture, if it tried! So there is no greater feeling, for a breastfeeding mum to find herself in a place, free from bottles and full of lovely boobs. No one to make her feel bad for her shameless brelfies or tell her that her baby might not be getting enough milk. 

Imagery like this not only adds to the normalisation of bottle feeding but it works to undermine a woman’s ability to breastfeed. Seeing images like this reinforces the idea that breasts are not good enough to feed babies and can sway a mother to give up the fight, when she didn’t need to. 

So, forgive me, if when I see a picture uploaded to A BREASTFEEDING SUPPORT GROUP that basically tells women that all their hard work trying to breastfeed their baby doesn’t matter, because ‘being fed’ is all that matters, I don’t jump up and celebrate that message. 

I understand, this kind of message can help those women feel better about themselves, whose baby could never latch. I’m sorry you were not supported enough to breastfeed. This is why I am training to become a breastfeeding peer supporter, so that I may help prevent that from happening, to future mums.

I understand this kind of message can help women to feel better, who had to stop breastfeeding for medical reasons but I’m sure they would understand the reasons why this kind of message isn’t appropriate to those currently struggling to make breastfeeding work for them. 

I even understand it could help mothers feel better, who chose to formula feed, however, in that case, shouldn’t this kind of thing be posted in a formula feeding support group? 

Another reason I dislike this, is that it reinforces the idea that there is a large number of mothers out there who are judging bottle/tube/formula feeding mums. I’m not saying those people don’t exist but I think we have a much bigger problem with people tarring all breastfeeding mothers with the same brush. 

Most breastfeeding mothers don’t judge. Most have had to give their formula, themselves, at some point! And, more to the point, breastfeeding mothers are a minority group. If only 17% of UK mothers are still breastfeeding by 3 months, then that means a whopping 83% of mums are formula feeding by the time their baby is 3 months old. That number increases rapidly as the baby gets older. So, who in their right mind, would judge a formula feeding mother, when they themselves formula feed? Because the only people with the opportunity to judge would be a very small minority of breastfeeding mothers, most of whom, are bloody lovely and would never judge another mum for formula feeding.

So, then, where did this idea of ‘The Mommy Wars’ come from?

You guessed it! The formula companies, of course!! 

It pays to make formula feeders feel judged  by breastfeeding mums, for the way they feed their babies. It prevents breastfeeding mums from talking about the benefits of breastfeeding, for fear of being labelled as “judgy”. This is why one major brand of formula has, recently, spent a lot of bloody money creating adverts about ‘The Mommy Wars’, reinforcing the idea that it exists. It’s all very clever, but then, formula didn’t become a billion pound industry for being daft, did it? 

So, imagine my surprise when after, very diplomatically, explaining to the admin team of UK Breastfeeding Support, my reasons for believing this meme to be inappropriate, I am met with this…

  
They kicked me out! 

Thankfully, this group is not the group I was talking about, which helped me so much in my early breastfeeding days. And I am now informed that it is very well-known for giving out and allowing bad advice (Although, not as well-known as I would hope, with over 5,000 current members). 

I am told, in an attempt to counter the poor and risky work of the admins, over at UK Breastfeeding Support, a new group was created in its place. This group is UK Breastfeeding and Parenting Support and it is full of lovely, supportive mums and peer supporters, alike. Free from the norms of bottle feeding! A safe and comfortable environment for all mums, wishing to vent about the pressure to bottle feed and to be FULLY supported on their breastfeeding journeys.

Another fab breastfeeding support group, which, to my knowledge, has never supported this type of language or imagery, is Breastfeeding Yummy Mummies. If you are a breastfeeding mother, or aspiring to be, I would recommend these two groups very much and hope, from the bottom of my heart, you find them first.

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Attachment Parenting is Not ‘Just Another Parenting Fad’

If you want to be an attachment parent, you have to breastfeed, babywear or carry your baby constantly, sleep with your baby, never have a life and shit baby pink unicorns, right?

Wrong!

In fact, it has absolutely nothing to do with how you feed your child and has a lot to do with how you respond to your child’s needs.

Do you play with your child? Hug them when they cry? Feed them when they’re hungry? Always keep them nearby during their first 6 months of life? Guess what? You’re an attachment parent!

I first learnt about attachment theory when I was studying my Early Years diploma, many moons ago, and it’s the kind of thing that once you understand, just makes a lot of sense.  Since then, I guess I never really gave it much thought, other than, that’s probably how I will parent.

I was reacquainted with attachment theory, once again, when I became pregnant and a friend mentioned this ‘new trend’ called co-sleeping. Co-sleeping? What’s THAT all about?

It was explained to me that co-sleeping means you either sleep with your baby or baby sleeps by your bed, meaning when baby cries, they are never far from comfort and food, two very essential things for this early stage of life. Well, yeah that makes sense. So, I did my research. This is when I met my old friend Attachment Theory, again. Only she’d changed a bit. Got older, got some new jeans, changed her hair, got married and changed her name to Attachment Parenting. Oh and it turned out, we had a lot more in common than I ever realised.

We both recognised that when babies cry, they are communicating a need. Be that hunger, pain relief or simply comfort. We both felt that it was always a safer option to keep baby close-by, during those early months, so that you can better regulate silly things like breathing, temperature, heart rate, hunger and so on. We also both agreed, it was kind of ridiculous to think a baby, whose brain does not yet have the tools to create manipulating behaviour, could cry just to ‘get their own way’. Have you seen the size of a baby’s head? Their brains are so small, they only have room to work completely off their basic human needs. There’s no room for negotiation. If they cry, they are literally just communicating one of their basic needs. Simple! It is literally, physically impossible for a baby to attempt any form manipulation or negotiation.

I think attachment parenting has recently been getting a bit of bad press, through what I believe to be a little misunderstanding and I think it’s about time we cleared this up. Attachment parenting isn’t a fad, it is just parenting, without all the, ‘Don’t pick the baby up too much, you’ll spoil him’, crap. I think most people assume, because a lot of parents who identify as an attachment parent tend to breastfeed, co sleep or babywear, that you have to do one or more of these activities in order to join the club. In fact, the problem is simply that not enough people, and most specifically, those who don’t breastfeed, co sleep or baby wear, are identifying themselves as attachment parents.

The other problem we have is that many people view attachment parenting as if it is something really demanding and difficult, when it’s the exact opposite. In fact, it’s kind of lazy parenting! By answering your baby’s cries with a hug or a feed, guess what? They cry less! Not constantly trying to put your baby down for a sleep, when they’re not tired, actually makes your life a lot easier. Understanding that babies don’t respond well to sleep training, prevents you from going through the heart-ache that comes with leaving them to cry and more importantly, the disappointment that comes with them waking and crying every time you try to put them down.

Studies show that when a baby cries, both the mother’s and baby’s cortisol levels in the brain, are raised. This means mother and baby are stressed! This goes against what nature expects you to do. It is your body’s way of telling you something is not right.

So what do we do? We follow our instincts to pick baby up and hold or feed him. And as if by magic, those cortisol levels are immediately reduced and are replaced with the hormone oxytocin. Oxytocin, also know as the love hormone, acts as a natural anti-depressant. So, in essence, attachment parenting can reduce a mother’s risk of Post Natal Depressiom (PND).

Being a parent that responds sensitively to your baby’s needs, I think, deserves some recognition. If you do this, well done! You have learnt that following your instincts and listening to your child works better than following the surrounding rules and opinions of others.

It’s easy to lose track but I have found that the less I listen to the advice of others and the more I simply watch and listen to my baby, the smoother things go.

So, in summary, trust your instincts. They know best. Attachment parenting is NOT just another parenting fad. It IS just parenting. Exactly how it was meant to be, which is why when parents practice it, they find they are less stressed and that their babies cry less. This in turn makes it easier to understand exactly why your baby is crying, upset, grumpy, and also recognise everything that makes them happy.

It’s like I always say, Happy Baby, Happy Mammy! 😉

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